went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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