Pants 0. Shit 1.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
