my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
