I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
