Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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