I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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