Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
