Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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