FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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