everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
