I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
