Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
