What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I could fuck to npr.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize