Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
