Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
