Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
