i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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