He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
