Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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