Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
