A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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