I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Come on in and take your pants off
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