My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
