Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
