We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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