Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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