i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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