Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
