So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
