awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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