I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
