No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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