you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
