at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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