i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
