I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
