Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
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