There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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