So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
even my farts smell like vagina
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
