Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
