omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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