You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
