He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
