Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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