I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize