Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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