We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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