i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
