Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
