Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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