the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
