On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
