Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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