I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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