he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
