took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
