apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Randomize
