I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
