remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
