Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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