Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
