Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
