I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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