you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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