I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
