Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
