were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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