Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
