A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
