One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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