Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
