Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
